Crumbling legs
Aching back
Eyes bleary
Tired soul
Here she comes
Flicking her hair
Looking happy
On the whole
Finding her
Is a dream come true
She’s meeting me
Dressed all in blue
How do I look
She says with a smile
I look at her
Eyes hooked for a while
All day long
She works like a slave
Yet here she is
Man, isnβt she brave
She steps right in
And hugs me tight
I lift her up
Yet feel so light… π
Sundaram Chauhan
(Please like, comment and share, if you enjoyed it. It helps. Thanks.)
I like the use of description, combined with a the short, sharp sentencesβ¦ it all pens together so beautifully π
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Hey thanks so much Hannah π…I must tell you that your artwork inspires me, and I’ve tried my hand at it too, but with ugly consequences. Keep doing the good work. Thanks for visiting.
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The pleasure is mine π· thank you, thatβs very kind! I wish I had your mindset for writing π
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You’re writing voice is appealing Hannah. Its just that you mostly talk about your artwork. I’m sure if you venture out to other things you’ll nail it right on the head. All the best for the future…πππ
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Thank you for the tip! You raise a good point, I have many old poems and travel stories…I should take the time to invest more in these ππ·
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Here you go…an artist is often multitalented. Just need to invest time, as you said.
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π·π· I hope that you have the most wonderful day β¨
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You too…
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Lovely.. itβs very early here.. and this is my first smile of the day π, thank you βΊοΈ
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You know it feels like we’re just neighbours. We met a few hours back, and now again your friendly face brightens me up. Happy to be back on WP. Thanks Ellie…ππ
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ππ
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This is sooooo beautiful!! Such a pleasure to read in the feed. Thanks for sharing it. π€©ππ
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It feels good to see this heart with an arrow in my comment section. ππ Thanks so much Lia. Glad you liked it. π
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Ahaha yes I guess we know we’ve succeeded in our love poetry when we spot a pierced heart. ;)) You’re welcome, and keep up the lovely writing! ππ
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Thanks and you too, Lia. π€π€π
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πππππ€
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Nice one. Keep soaring
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Thanks so much for the encouragement. π. I try…π
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This is very beautiful! I like the way you described, it is so clean and perfect in rhythm
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Thanks so much Nawazish. π. Glad you liked it…π€Έππ
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I loved the pace of this! I really enjoyed this.
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Thanks so much Sandy. π…that’s all I intended… to spread some joy.
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Beautifulπ
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Thanks Lebana… π I can never forget your tagline…dare you to figure me out…that’s kick-ass, and awesome…
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Haha!The pleasure is mine..Keep that fire burningπ
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Sure, you too. ππππ
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πππ
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Lovely narration
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Thank you so much…ππβΊοΈ
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Simple and beautiful π
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Hey…thanks Rez…π Happy that you feel so. βΊοΈπ
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It’s so beautifully penned.
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Thanks so much Livi. π
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So crisp and beautifully penned ππ€© loved it
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Thanks Mukta π Glad you liked it. βΊοΈ
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βΊοΈπ
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Thank you for sharing this brightness. The way you describe the emotion without saying it directly is beautiful. π
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Thanks Hamish π€ your words are super encouraging. π€π€ππ
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It is beautiful, I liked reading it.ππ«
And ykw, when u read it for the first time I misread the first word in the last line as you*
So it sounded like..
I lift her up, you feel so light. It seemed like an irony to me.
And I was literally smiling. π
And the lines where you say..
How do I look, she asks with a smile , I look at her, eyes hooked for a while!
It had me there, man!!π€π
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With you it always feels like a discussion over a cup of tea. In that line, to tell you the truth, she did feel light π…but it was more the lightness the lifting process brought to my heart that overflowed in me, and I wrote the words.
And I love it that you liked the “eyes hooked” lines. There was so much to say but only a few words at my disposal. I hope all my wonder, respect, sheer gratitude could be conveyed. Thanks for reading Chetna. ππ€π…βΊοΈ
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Ohh! It’s great to have this virtual tea and a real convo.π
Then, either of you must be going to gym.π
I could feel your admiring her through your lines. That’s what a good writer make us do.π
Yeah! I have received it and kept safe in my heart.π
Always a pleasure to be here, sir.πππ«
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Haha…yeah gym, sure in those days, we did. The poem is old, and we have moved on to the best thing now…yoga…πππ
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Oh! I got it correct that means.π π
Sounds great. Yoga makes us healthy but for that I am quite lazy.ππ
Nice that you do, btw.
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As long as you have such healthy spirits… you need no yoga, girl. Take care.π€π€
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Ohh man! You are too sweet with your words. I am flatteredπ π
You too.
When are you gonna post yr story btw?
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My stories take time, much to my own annoyance. But i have something shorter in mind that I might post before that. But if want I will suggest you the story “let’s catch up” Thanks for this interest Chetna, and you deserve sweet words. Keep inspired.
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I wonder how do you hold on with your patience! It takes a world.π€
I have already read your two stories.. the bride and one you r talking about. I will leave my feedback soon.π you know it takes time naa! π
It needs one to know one.π Thanks Sundaram.
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Hahaa..awesome…you blow my mind everytime…where were you hidden till date? I will wait for your review Chetna…something to look forward to. And patience aajaati h jab story dimag me aati h. Justice toh karna h na.ππ
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I was just looking for someone like you.ππ
Glad you found my blog and followed coz that’s how I caught up with you.
I can relate to this. While writing, the thought of the story makes us live into the scenes as well. And the thought of completing excites.π I too have tried once. ππ
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And you should try again. You know you have many things to say, and stories are perhaps the most effective way to do it. π
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How do you know this?π
After reading you, i am thinking of giving a try! Thanks Sundaram.π€
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I just feel that. And I’ll be waiting for your stories. π
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Lovelyπβ€ postβ¦. With reading each line, I could imagine the scene going on in front of meβ¦ I feel like I saw it by my own eyesπ€β¦ β¦
Thank youπΉ for adding up to my imagination
Keep writingπ
Keep sharingππ€
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Thanks so much for the kind words. That’s all I wanted, for you to see ,and feel it. Glad you did. ππ
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Nicely written!
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Thanks for the kind words. π
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Anytime man!
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I nominated you for a Sunshine Blogger Award! Feel free to not participate if itβs not your thing. https://josezajama.wordpress.com/2020/07/26/sunshine-blogger-award/
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Thanks so much Joey…π Really appreciate you thinking of me for this honour. I loved reading your answers. And I agree that writing is important, doesn’t matter what it’s about. Wish you the best for your book. I hope you come out with soon.π€π€
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Great
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Thanks Subrata. π
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Lovely β₯οΈ
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Thanks Kay…π
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This is simple and beautiful! I love how you weave your words! π€
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Thanks Dem Caste…π…appreciate you stopping by and leaving kind words. βΊ
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[β¦] One for her [β¦]
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I admire your style of writing. Hoping to learn more from your Post π
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Thanks so much Rollandπ Glad you feel so. βΊ
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very nicely expressed the modern woman….
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Thanks Ankush π Glad you like it. βΊπβΊ
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Nuggets. Thanks for sharing
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Thanks Kingsley π
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This was simple and yet so lovely.
You writing flow is flawless.β¨
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That makes me a happy soul right at the start of my day…thanks for your kind words π
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ππ»
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Thanks.
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It’s so pleasant so read it… π
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Thanks for stopping by Dhaval. π€π€π
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I loved the idea!!
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This was on a whim I wrote it….glad you like it…π
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You are very welcome!!
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[…] in one of the poems, you are tracing the shape of someoneβs nails, and in another lifting that featherweight babe up in your arms. You have no idea, how disturbing it could get to see your partner talk so lovingly […]
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A few words that deliver so much emotion. Thank you.
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Thanks for the appreciation ..ππ€π Have a great day. π€π€π
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Hey.. this is so pretty π It gave me a smile on my face.
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Thanks so much…π What more could I ask for from a piece of writing? βΊπ€π€π
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π
Keep writing the great ones!
Waiting for the next one!
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Thanks Manasa…π
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